A recent study has concluded that people who wear masks as protection from COVID-19, while outdoors, are fucking imbeciles.

The research, by the Center for Research and Common Knowledge (CRACK), was conducted between August 15 and August 31. According to CRACK's Dr. Steven Goldfarb, "the direct correlation that anyone with half a brain has long assumed is now backed by evidence."

"The science is settled," said the doctor. "If you wear a mask outdoors, you're a fucking imbecile. There's not much grey area."

But Goldfarb emphasises that the study is specific to outdoor mask wearing. He is very clear that an indoor mask-wearer is not necessarily a fucking imbecile. More likely, he says, "indoor mask-wearers are just plain fools or simpletons. Possibly, stupid dicks."

To support his conclusion, Goldfarb points to the reality that it is virtually impossible to catch the virus outdoors and that mask manufacturers, themselves, state that masks are not effective barriers to the virus.

"The people that make the masks are telling you they don't work," the doctor said. "Only a stupid dick or fucking imbecile would expect the product to protect them."