After receiving a tip regarding some "unconventional funny business" at the Maddow residence, a team of FBI agents flew to San Fransisco, assuming that is where Maddow lived. After realizing their mistake, which they assured "had absolutely nothing to do with the whole who uses-what-bathroom thing," they flew back to the east coast and arrived outside Maddow's residence in the early morning hours.
"We surveilled the home and could see someone, that we believed to be Maddow, in the kitchen working on a laptop," said an agent, who asked that his name not be used so that his long-distance mistress didn't know he was in the state.
"I'm just not in the mood to hear it," agent Parisi said, "She can get a bit naggy. If I wanted that crap, I'd stay home."
After making sure that the far left, anti-Second Amendment host wasn't being protected by a team of armed guards, agent Mark Parisi sent in his men who took Maddow into custody.
Her laptop has been seized. It is believed that Maddow, who earns more than ten million dollars per year complaining about income inequality, kidnapped Drudge and took over his popular website, using the laptop to make updates. Lately, Drudge's site has been linking to a greater number of liberal news stories, leaving long time readers to wonder "what in the holy hell" was going on?
A crowd of neighbors formed outside Maddow's residence and weighed in on the situation. Some, like 74 year old Marcia Kent from up the road, hope that maybe Drudge will "stop blowing now." Others, like Joey Bowman, just want to see "that lying Madcow go back to San Fransisco."
But not everyone was rushing to judgement. Carol Wilkins, the lady across the street who takes care of Maddow's "eleven or so cats" when the highly paid anti-capitalist pundit vacations at her residence in the Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard, or southern France, is going to wait to see what Maddow's fill-in, on CNN or MSNBC, has to say before making up her mind.
The notoriously private Drudge, who was questioned but not taken into custody, asked if he could just stay in the basement and hang out.
Agent Mark C. Parisi II of Clairmont, South Dakota, who graduated from Lincoln High School class of 2003, granted Drudge's request on the condition that there was "room for one more."
