Bixby, IA - A local man is panicking after drinking what he believes to have been liberal Kool-Aid at a party last night. Joe Cratton was attending the gathering with a friend when another guest walked by with a drink.

"It was in a clear plastic cup, so I could see the drink was red," Cratton said. "And red's the best flavor."

After spotting the punch bowl on a table across the room, he poured himself a cup, downed it in mostly one gulp, then re-filled and drank the second helping. It wasn't until after he finished the not-quite-as-cold-as-expected liquid, however, that he began to question his decision.

"I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, put the cup down, and thought 'Something's not right.'"

It was at that point, he says, that the room started to get "a little spinny--but not in the usual way" and he realized he had ingested liberal Kool-Aid.

"Suddenly, everyone in the place was wearing a Biden t-shirt," he recalled. "I mean, has anyone ever seen a Biden t-shirt? Then, one by one, their faces melted until they all looked like Kamala Harris. And the whole room cackled like Hillary Clinton. It was scary. Kind of like being in a horror movie."

After passing out, he woke to find everything seemingly back to normal.

"I just hope there are no long-term effects," he said, before excusing himself so that he could get to the post office and mail two dozen fraudulent ballots for this year's election.