The problem? It's all in singles.
"He want only single," said Ivan Kuznetsov, the Russian national that made the payments of unmarked bills to Biden. "He need, how you say, make rain for stripping lady."
Biden, who was kicked out of the military for smoking crack-cocaine before impregnating a stripper and refusing to take a paternity test, was spotted earlier today at Tender Temptations.
"It was freakin' awesome," said Bambi. "He usually holds his money tighter than his dick, but he really threw down today. I barely didn't have to do nothin'."
Cherry, Bambi's twin sister who dances down the block at The Moist Maven, agreed.
"Never seen him drop coin like today, nuh-uh," said the stripper who is pretty sure she'll be promoted to daytime manager "after Tony dumps that fat skank, Aleesha."
But in order to get rid of all the money, Biden knows he's got his work cut out for him, and he's already called in a favor from his well-connected father.
According to sources, there is "no shortage of Democrats willing to help Hunter spend it."
There is one Democrat, however, who scoffs at the idea of running around to patronize every strip club in the area.
"You wouldn't catch me anywhere near one of those places," said Willie Brown's former mistress. "Talk about amateur hour."