Bongino, the popular pundit and podcaster, visited Capitol Hill to meet with Republican lawmakers. Although specific details of the meeting are under wraps, it was a near encounter with Schiff that is all the buzz.
"Adam and I were talking outside his office," said a staffer. "Then he looks down the hallway and he's like a deer in the headlights. His voice quivered when he asked 'Is that Dan Bongino?'"
It turns out that Bongino, former Secret Service agent and ex-NYC cop, strikes fear into the heart of the man who, for years, claimed to have evidence of Trump-Russia collusion yet was never able to produce any.
According to multiple sources, when the author of "Follow the Money: The Shocking Deep State Connections of the Anti-Trump Cabal" is on TV, Schiff curls up on the couch with his hands over his eyes and "occasionally peeks at the screen between his fingers like a scared little girl."
"I've seen him cry at the mere mention of Bongino's name," said the U.S. representative for Hawaii's 2nd congressional district, who asked not to be named because she fears retribution from "the creepy little wuss" that she could "no doubt kick the living crap out of."
After emptying his bladder into his slacks, the meagerly muscled man President Trump nicknamed "pencil neck" sought comfort from fellow Democrat Eric Swalwell, himself no stranger to losing control of bodily functions in public.
"It'll be ok," Swalwell assured the pencil-necked congressman with an awkward hug. "This is your safe space."
"He owns guns," said the petrified politician. "Guns!"
But it's not just the firearms that frighten Schiff. "He looks so strong with his muscles," he cried, nuzzling into Swalwell's shoulder. "He probably knows how to fight."
That's when Swalwell pleaded with Schiff to compose himself, admitting that "all this talk about guns and muscles and fighting" was making him anxious, and that he didn't know how much longer he could keep his nervousness bottled up.
"What's that smell?" asked Schiff.
"Just a mug sliding across the desk," Swalwell answered.