"I distinctly remember that it didn't happen in an airplane," said the woman who lied about being scared of flying in order to avoid testifying in front of congress during the Kavanaugh hearing. "And it was either the summertime or winter. Maybe the fall or spring."
Although Dr. Ford also doesn't remember the city, state, or geographical region where the assault happened, she insists, in a fake child-like voice, that the incident is embedded in her hippocampus, and she has no doubt that her attacker was the soon-to-be-named nominee, whoever that may be.
Upon hearing the news, Democrats unified behind the accuser just as they had two years ago when she made unfounded allegations against Brett Kavanaugh--before dropping all interest the moment Kavanaugh was confirmed.
"I think she is even more credible this time," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi was more emphatic. "She's telling the truth. Ok?" said the possibly intoxicated politician. "There will be no more questions about this. Ok? Do you understand?"
Although Republicans have pointed out that the president has not yet named a nominee, Democrats are quick to counter that their opponents are simply engaging in "typical naked partisan spin" and need to "start believing women."
But with President Trump all but assuring that he will choose a woman, it is unclear which woman should be believed.
"Do you believe the accuser or the accused?" asked Republican Ted Cruz.
"In this case you believe the accuser," said Pelosi. "Ok? That's it. You believe the accuser."
As both sides of the political aisle dig in and prepare for what could be another brutal battle brought on by Blasey-Ford, the psychologist who has no qualms with ruining another person's reputation for personal gain "just hopes that this time, her family believes her."
But if not, she would be okay with "a whole lot of money from a GoFundMe."